We’ve all been convinced that a big part of how we heal and move on in our life is to let go or surrender, to stop certain ways of thinking, to prevent the different ways we automatically interpret events in the negative. It has been surprising to learn, through neuroscientific inquiry, that we don’t need to stop anything in order to be well. We don’t need to end our resentments or stop thinking catastrophically. We don’t need to forgive others or let go of past grudges. We don’t need to focus on giving up anything in order to be resilient or happy. Focusing on what we need to stop or give up just makes us more anxious about ever getting started on our path to health and wellness. According to Dr. Richie Davidson and prolific amounts of neuroscience, there is no need to stop anything, including our defensive, protective responses. They serve us quite well, actually. Dr. Davidson has found that all we need to do is start something. Begin one healthy practice, stick with it consistently enough, and it will ultimately rewire the brain to develop a greater capacity for more healthy habits that lead to resilience.
Dr. Rick Hanson, in his helpful book, Resilient, uses a beautiful metaphor to make the same point. He writes about the importance of planting flowers in our garden. Don’t worry about weeding the garden. As you dig into the earth for planting, the weeds will come out naturally anyway. Today simply focus on the single most important flower to plant for wellness and that is gratitude. The research on its medical and mental health benefits is astounding. NOT when the practice is general or laissez-faire, however. Wiring the brain for gratitude, resilience, and happiness requires a much more particular approach:
Sarah ban Breathnach, in her first and most important book, Simple Abundance, was specific about how to practice in a capacity for gratitude and appreciation that fosters a dramatic life change. She instructed us to keep a written gratitude journal in which 5 things are written down every night before going to bed that we were grateful for that day. She didn’t say to think about a few things we feel grateful for, or say a prayer of gratitude before sleep, or sit around the dinner table and ask everyone what they’re grateful for today – those are all lovely practices when we remember to do them. However, if we are truly committed to having happiness hang around a while, the specifics of this practice cannot have any corners cut. A journal dedicated to gratitude, a minimum of 5 things that need to get written down every night, and here’s what will happen over time with commitment (I know firsthand because it happened to me!):
There will be a struggle and a frustration to have to think of things we’re grateful for. The mind will naturally want to focus on what we didn’t get, what we don’t have, how hard life is, and how hard-done by we are. That may all be true. It is true for too many of us. AND, when we are required to find something big or small to feel appreciative of, we begin to find things to write down because we have to. This becomes a process of discovery and surprise. Big things are usually what come to us first: health, family, a roof over our heads, food in our stomach, having a friend or a pet. Over time, however, because we know as we experience our day that at the end of it we will be required to write down 5 things we were grateful for, we start to notice smaller and smaller things. How perfectly hot our coffee was in the morning, that we had enough gas in the car to get to work and back without having to stop, that traffic wasn’t as bad as usual, that someone called to check in on us, that leftovers were in the fridge when we got home and we didn’t have to cook. Through practice, we rewire our brains for easier access to the good or good enough. Through repetition, we rewire our brains for longer periods of time that we are capable of being in appreciation. Through practice we learn to savor and focus on gratitude more than anything else. We start to accept that things can always be worse, and that things are often not as bad as our way of thinking would have us believe.
Many of us get to a point of being sick and tired that we’re sick and tired. Thank goodness for hitting bottom, whatever that is for each of us. When we hit bottom with ourselves, we become willing to try well-researched practices, like the gratitude journal – with our skepticism, of course, and that’s ok. Be skeptical and do it anyway. Let’s challenge ourselves to a 30-day experiment. Don’t quit before 21 days. We have clear evidence that the human brain needs to do something “new” or less familiar 21-28 times before we can arrive at a true indication of effectiveness. New neural pathways have to be practiced in with repetition. That’s how we get what we want. It’s not magically implanted into our brains without our effort. It’s not given to us from someone else. It comes from our own repetitive practice like learning to play the guitar.
I promise all of you – with sincere urging – this is the easiest most effective practice that exists for the biggest payoff ever. Start today.
Photo by Madison Oren on Unsplash
